SwayBlog

The final moments before kickoff of an NFL game can be a series of heart-pumping, adrenaline-filled minutes.

The afternoon of Sept. 24, 2017, was no different for former Colts defensive back Darius Butler. In the lead-up to a game against the Browns, his mind raced and his palms grew sweaty. This was a moment he had visualized and prepared for, and as it grew ever closer, the emotions became more pronounced.

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Finally, the time had come. As the American flag unfurled and a crowd of more than 60,000 at Lucas Oil Stadium stood for the national anthem, Butler and eight teammates went down on one knee.

Butler is a principled man, and this was his way of taking a stand. He joined a protest initiated in 2016 by former 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick, kneeling during the playing of the “Star-Spangled Banner” to shine a light on police brutality and to promote reforms. But not everyone would agree with that decision, and Butler knew that.

He did it anyway.

“Leading up to that moment, 25 percent of you is thinking about the game, but the other 75 percent is thinking about the anthem,” Butler said this week. “You know when that flag starts spreading out across the field, that’s usually when you get locked into the game. But my heart was pounding. And then we went down and here come all the cameras (shuttering). It was heavy, man. For the guys that made that decision, I salute them. Because you already had the example.

“You knew what they were doing to Kaepernick.”

It was not coincidental that the subject was revisited this week. Butler has reflected a lot on that decision while watching the protests and disturbances rage across the country in the aftermath of the death of George Floyd following his arrest by Minneapolis police officers.

And the decision by Butler to take a knee in protest of similar events provides a great example of the personal cost of protesting.

The phones rang off the hook at the team facility in the following days, Butler said. There were even death threats, leaving him bewildered. Even before deciding to engage in the protest, there was an endless list of factors that had to be considered by Butler and his teammates.

Colts players began to strongly consider taking a knee after criticism of the kneeling had increased around the country, including from the White House. Finally, Butler decided, it was time to join the protest.

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“That was kind of like a line being drawn in the sand,” he said. “It was like someone telling me I can’t drink out of a water fountain. I may not be thirsty, but I’m drinking!”

Then, Butler began thinking more practically about the situation and things quickly became more complicated.

“You start thinking and it’s not just about me. Me kneeling isn’t going to affect just me,” Butler said. “I have a family. My dad is in law enforcement and he has to go to work. My kids have to go to school. Their teachers know who I am. They go to a predominantly white school. I was in Indy and they were in Florida.

“So, you have a lot of thoughts going through your head. And then I’m in the ninth year of my career, moving to another position (cornerback to safety) and trying to extend my career. I knew I was expendable as well. (The team could say) ‘hey, he’s 32 years old.’ ”

Butler, whose father and brother are veterans, wrestled with these feelings for days. Players met among themselves in the days leading up to the game and expressed a range of concerns.

“There were a lot of players who were like, ‘Hey, I’m down for the cause, but I don’t know, man,’ ” Butler said. “Me, I was closer to the end of my career than the beginning. But everybody had their reasons. For me, it came down to this: I couldn’t look back at that moment 20 years from now and be like, ‘I didn’t step up even though I wanted to.’ I don’t want to have that conversation with my kids and grandkids.”

Now, as Butler watches the coverage of the young people in the streets in so many American cities, he’s disturbed by the violence and looting. But he’s also heartened by the peaceful protesters willing to put themselves at risk for reasons that are bigger than themselves.

In maligning the current demonstrations, many have cited the many peaceful protests engaged in by civil rights leaders like Martin Luther King Jr. as an example of what should happen. What they rarely mention is King was jailed 29 times and was too often on the wrong end of a police baton in his brief 39 years.

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Those peaceful protests came at great personal risk to King and other leaders. Kaepernick is no MLK, but it should be stated that his first season protesting also was his final season as an NFL quarterback. Butler believes Kaepernick paid a price because that is the nature of the protest. He says he didn’t initially grasp it when Kaepernick began his protest in 2016, when only a handful of players were willing to kneel. That’s why Butler said he later acknowledged in a conversation with Kaepernick the missed opportunity to engage in solidarity across the league.

“I apologized to Kaep and I told him, ‘I felt like we kind of left you out there hanging,’ ” Butler said. “Maybe if we all protested, collectively, we could have done something.”

Butler similarly sees the current uprisings. The violence has to stop. But there also is a great deal of well-intentioned peaceful protest happening that Butler hopes leads to a seminal moment and real changes. He also implored others in sports to follow the example of Kaepernick, Butler and others and find the courage to say uncomfortable things even in the face of some personal jeopardy.

“Like these college coaches,” Butler said. “Don’t even get me started. They’re making generational wealth off of kids. In most states, they are the highest-paid public employees. And in most of these Power 5 programs, you have a majority of black players in those programs.

“But these coaches fear speaking out because of what the police might say or the boosters or the university – the people who donate. There’s a lot of layers to it.”

Butler, like many Americans, has spent time in recent days trying to explain current events to his kids. He’s kept it real but also has tried to impart ways they can be a part of future solutions. Perhaps that will one day include engaging in protests of their own. If and when they do, it will have been made clear to them that it won’t be easy for anyone involved. That goes for those on both sides of any issue.

“The true spirit of protest is to make people feel uncomfortable,” Butler said. “So, if I protest one way and you don’t like it, you tell me to protest another way? It’s like, ‘Hey, don’t block (Interstate) 465 because I have to get to work. Why don’t you block I-65?’ That’s killing the point of the protest. A protest is to make people uncomfortable, to make people look in the mirror, to make changes, to bring awareness.”

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And if doing that results in some nervous moments – like the ones Butler experienced before kickoff that day in 2017 – his stance is clear: So be it.

(Photo of Butler, No. 20, and teammates: Michael Reaves / Getty Images)

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